For over a century, intelligence has been defined by test scores, academic performance, and measurable skills. Schools and workplaces have rewarded competition over collaboration, mastery over relationships, and data over human connection. But as artificial intelligence (AI) takes over analytical and technical tasks, a new form of intelligence is proving essential: Relational Intelligence (RQ)—the ability to connect, understand, and thrive through human relationships.
The Shift from IQ to RQ
Traditional intelligence metrics like IQ scores have been steadily declining across Western nations, including the U.S. Meanwhile, emotional intelligence (EQ), despite its growing presence in social-emotional learning (SEL) programs, has not been enough to combat rising loneliness, polarization, and social fragmentation. In 2020, 44% of high school students reported a lack of supportive relationships, a stark decline from a decade earlier.
In contrast, relational intelligence focuses on the ability to build trust, collaborate, and navigate social connections—skills that AI cannot replicate. The best doctors don’t just diagnose; they listen. The best teachers don’t just instruct; they inspire. The most successful leaders anticipate human needs before they’re even expressed.
The Human Cost of Overlooking Relationships
For centuries, survival depended on relationships—families, communities, and collective responsibility. Yet, in our pursuit of efficiency, we have undervalued human connection. Schools emphasize individual achievement over teamwork, workplaces prioritize productivity over relationships, and economic policies treat care work as a private burden rather than a societal responsibility.
Decades of neuroscience research confirm that relationships shape brain development. Secure, loving interactions build resilience, self-regulation, and problem-solving skills. Conversely, relational deprivation leads to cognitive and emotional impairments. Studies on Romanian orphans from the 1970s and 1980s revealed that children deprived of human connection suffered severe developmental delays, some of which persisted even after adoption into loving homes.
Investing in Relational Intelligence
Despite its importance, relational intelligence remains underfunded. Billions are invested in academic remediation, while early learning programs, where relational skills develop, remain neglected. Some states, however, are recognizing the power of RQ in shaping future generations.
Success Stories in Relational Learning
- Mississippi’s Education Reform: The “Mississippi Miracle” focused not just on better reading instruction but also on sustained mentorship and relationship-building between teachers and students.
- Alabama’s First Class Pre-K Program: Ranked among the nation’s best, this initiative prioritizes small student-teacher ratios, play-based learning, and professional development to foster meaningful relationships.
- New Hampshire’s Play-Based Learning Mandate: Strong research supports guided play as a tool for relational development in early grades.
- California’s Expanding Community Schools: These schools have boosted student performance, attendance, and engagement by prioritizing holistic support and relationship-building.
Beyond the Classroom: Strengthening Relationships Across Society
Education alone cannot fix the relational crisis. Relationships form in families, communities, and everyday social interactions. Some of the most effective programs extend beyond schools:
- Family Hubs (UK & U.S.): Offering parenting classes, mental health resources, and playgroups to support family relationships.
- Jumpstart & Big Brothers Big Sisters: Providing mentorship programs that enhance literacy and social-emotional growth.
- Tūtū & Me (Hawai‘i): Engaging grandparents and caregivers to preserve cultural wisdom and intergenerational bonds.
- TrainingGrounds (New Orleans): Empowering parents as a child’s first teachers to develop relational intelligence from infancy.
- Alabama’s Small Magic Initiative: Using AI-driven insights to provide personalized recommendations for language development and relationship-building.
The Pandemic’s Relational Shockwave
The COVID-19 pandemic exposed the fragility of human connection. Young children faced developmental delays, mental health crises surged, and social fragmentation deepened. Emerging from isolation, we now recognize that connection is the bedrock of well-being.
Preparing for an AI-Driven Future
The future belongs to those who can build and sustain meaningful relationships. If we fail to prioritize relational intelligence alongside cognitive and emotional skills, we risk preparing children for a workforce—and a society—that no longer exists.
However, if we embed relationships at the core of education, family life, and economic systems, we can create a society that is not just intelligent but also resilient, adaptive, and deeply connected.
We do not have an intelligence crisis. We have a relational crisis. It’s time we start treating it as one.
